This morning while walking my dog Myles, he was VERY excited to discover a VOLE hiding near the walking path within the range of the leash. He had no hesitation in killing it, it’s little skull crunching easilybetween his jaws. I was FURIOUS immediately.
FURIOUS at him.
FURIOUS at myself for: -not being able to see it, -not being able to save it, -not being able to be okay with it, -for the violent thoughts I had toward my beloved dog at that moment.
I yanked him, vole in mouth, toward the edge of the tall grass, hoping to give it a reasonable resting place. He dropped it, sniffing it. No realdesire to eat it, almost as if just checking to see if the hunting “game”was over. I yanked him back onto the path too harshly. So angry. Trying to get my emotions in check.
My thoughts were no help:
-looking for blame, “NO! bad dog!”
-desiring to punish, my mind quickly countering: he is a predator, it isin his NATURE to kill the vole, he’s weeding out the weak...etc
-struggling to take correct action: forcing myself to walk without pulling on the leash
The fire of anger had already ignited. It was burning strong. Maybe walk faster?
As I looked up, a large fawn came down from the trees and onto the path. He stopped, ears up, staring at us.
Normally, seeing a deer would result in Myles LOSING HIS MIND with excitement. Barking, pulling, shaking. Once, in the past, he pulled the leash out of my hand and scaled a 6 FOOT CEMENT BARRICADE to chase a deer along the same trail.