Family pattern

Certainly

The barrage of harsh words falling from my mouth

Sounded like my dad at his low points

I wonder if they were ever even his

Or they came through him as well?

Such contempt for weakness

Labeling it with such harsh words:

Incompetent

Stupid

Inept

Ridiculous

Moron

Idiot

Sometimes even adding in words that don’t apply to the situation at all

Fat

Ugly

Asshole

I am driving my own family bonkers.

They can’t stand to hear such harshness

Towards the person they love.

I remember feeling that

When my dad would say things about himself.

This is a subconscious program

I was told yesterday

Those are harder to deal with certainly.

But why has it surfaced with such a vengeance now?

Perhaps more importantly,

How do I change this?

Please help me.

I judge myself for being weak and not carrying my own burdens.

God, I surrender my judgmental thoughts to you. Please take them from me. Amen.

I feel disdain for my body with this injury.

God, I surrender my disdainful thoughts to you. Please take them from me. Amen.

This is my practice for now.