The barrage of harsh words falling from my mouth
Sounded like my dad at his low points
I wonder if they were ever even his
Or they came through him as well?
Such contempt for weakness
Labeling it with such harsh words:
Sometimes even adding in words that don’t apply to the situation at all
I am driving my own family bonkers.
They can’t stand to hear such harshness
Towards the person they love.
I remember feeling that
When my dad would say things about himself.
This is a subconscious program
I was told yesterday
Those are harder to deal with certainly.
But why has it surfaced with such a vengeance now?
Perhaps more importantly,
How do I change this?
Please help me.
I judge myself for being weak and not carrying my own burdens.
God, I surrender my judgmental thoughts to you. Please take them from me. Amen.
I feel disdain for my body with this injury.
God, I surrender my disdainful thoughts to you. Please take them from me. Amen.
This is my practice for now.