Am I ready for this?


Part of me is scared.

Just plain scared.

Another part has already decided

I am already on the path.

My mind resists

And distracts

And desires

And lies

And attacks

And becomes despondent

"Do it anyway”

I hear myself telling others

But what if no one really knows me

So no one can help?

My loved ones say,

You are not what you think you are,

Your problem is that you are so hard on yourself.

What DO I think I am?

What is a clear and realistic assessment?

Not clouded by values of a society I think is mostly ill.

I am kind.

I love my family.

I care, sometimes too much.

I feel responsible for others, especially for their health.

I work hard.

I give, sometimes too much.

I feel, sometimes too much.

I eat, sometimes too much.

My body is overweight.

Sometimes I feel beautiful

And sexy.

Sometimes I don’t.

I exercise every day.

I sit on the Bemer most days.

I eat organic food and avoid gluten and dairy almost completely.

For years now.

I have struggled going on and off of coffee.

I have struggled going on and off of sugar.

I have tried many, many diets.

I know a LOT about nutrition, maybe too much.

I plan, shop for and cook most of our meals.

Finances have been an ongoing source of stress.

Lately this has offered different challenges.

I have pain, usually a headache or lower back pain,

But also many other kinds.

Not often my own.

These are worse when I eat dairy.

Lately if I eat sugar.

I used to love to dance.

I haven’t danced in a long time.

My cat and dog love me.

I am happily married.

My daughter is healthy and amazing.

My family is awesome.

I have a voice in my head that is extremely critical often.

I have MANY happy voices in my head.

And support all around me.

Right now I feel less afraid.

I just have to act right now.

Just for today.

What do I want today to be?


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