This body I inhabit
Was—and is—designed perfectly for me
By my consciousness, genetics, choices, and environment
And many, many, tiny unseen beings.
I am not some random event.
I am a magnificent dance of precise expression.
So—why is my mind designed
To be an expert at pointing out my faults?
It is so easy for me to see the beauty
In the expression of those I love.
How do I break the habit
Of seeking the imperfections in me?
Is it in my actions?
I take many daily actions
To love and care for my body.
It takes effort, costs money,
Requires patience, support, and time.
I have had times in my life
When I wasn’t focused on my body this way.
Less support—pushing a stroller in the dark, after working all day
With two dogs strapped to my sides.
I was heavy with the burden of carrying too much,
My mind adding to the weight with self-loathing.
I had so much on me already
Wouldn’t being kind and loving to myself have been better?
Yes—taking daily action to love and care for my body helps.
Less weight, more self-appreciation and even occasional flashes of pride.
When I was heavy, I was an easy target
Now my mind looks for more specific imperfections—like wrinkles.
Same mental habit
Is it exercise?
Each morning I walk the dog or dance
Happier dog and happier me.
If I am lost in emotional waves
Zumba can nearly always help me find land.
I challenge myself with new routines
Overcoming my self-judgment as I improve my steps over time.
Still, my mind looks for my flaws—I could always be better,
Not strong enough, not flexible enough, too old…
Is it consistency and commitment?
I can be rigidly dogmatic.
I will follow the plan if I commit to it.
Resistance is less problematic
With a single-pointed approach.
The sober life
Supports a steadiness of mind.
Is steadiness of mind
The kind of life I am born to live?
The highs and lows of addiction
Are no longer tolerable to me.
But the monastic life
Just doesn’t feel sexy enough either.
Is it meditation?
When I sit in my daily practice
I find mental balance on purpose.
Carefully designing and defining
My values and focus in my life.
I set the geometry of my values inside my heart
And let it expand to protect and support me.
I literally get into a shape
To sustain me as I do my work and connect with others.
Mediation also reminds me that my mind
Is just a small part of who I am.
And while I am working
My mind is content in creating and exploring.
Then at night, or times off, especially after a long day
My mind begins its tally of my imperfections again.